I spend a fair amount of time looking back over work that I’ve put up on my Artstation portfolio. It’s the best work I’m capable of today. As I re-examine work that I created months or even years ago, it’s clear that I’ve picked up some real knowledge of my craft. I can’t really blame my past self for the flaws I see in my past work. It was truly representative of the best I could do at the time. Today, I’m seeing more.
Over the past 3 years I’ve been using every tool at my disposal to improve my ability to capture a likeness in the form of digital painting the way that some of the pros on Artstation like Angel Ganev can. I’ve watched a LOT of tutorial videos from a LOT of artists. After I get done with my day job, I‘m putting in a solid 3+ hours nightly on average of astoundingly focused practice!
I’ve finally found my stride in learning at age 49. Where was this 30 years ago??
I’ve always loved to draw from the time I was able to hold a pencil. I used to draw constantly, not stopping to pay attention in Math or English class. I’ve always been one of the better artists in my peer group but it was during my freshman year in high school that I saw what can be done with real knowledge of the subject. I came across another kid in my freshman year in high school who was a true student of the craft of drawing. He had focus and discipline, and took joy in learning about things like the science of shadows, line quality, contour sketching, anatomy, color, etc. I had strong interest and the desire to know, but my focus was always somewhere else. I always envied his love of learning.
I attended art school after a 4-year stint in a Mechanical Engineering program. Again, the aptitude was very apparent, but the love of learning for the sake of learning was not there. It has always been a ‘means to an end’. I did ‘well’. I graduated with my degree in Industrial Design, and I went on to a pretty successful career in that. I’ve always had the visual knack, but as one gets older, there comes a point that one’s truth can no longer be denied. I would become intensely jealous as I looked at the work of professional Artists on platforms like Artstation. That Jealousy revealed my soul’s desire. I want to be a master artist, I can settle for nothing less. It is very important to me to do work that I think is remarkable. Equipped with that conviction, I am finally willing to spend the hours and years doing the study and practice necessary to manifest that vision. (as corny as that may sound!)
The headwind is strong. Because of my age I have legitimate doubts that I can 1) achieve even a marketable level of mastery, and 2) Find a way to market it sufficiently to pay the bills. What’s pushing me forward today is pure joy in the learning, the growing, and the work itself. I finally feel as though if NOTHING comes of all of the hours and the effort, finally for me today, the reward is in the effort itself. Today, I find joy in the effort! I put this out there for any other folks who find themselves in a spot similar to mine.